AI boyfriends for gay men, and why most apps get it wrong

The Mutuals team·September 2026·4 min read

The companion category was built for straight men. What that means if you are gay, what to look for instead, and the privacy questions that matter more when you are not fully out.

AI boyfriend apps exist and some are good, but the category was built around straight men: about 17 percent of companion apps have "girlfriend" in the name against 4 percent for "boyfriend". Ignore the marketing and test three things — whether the character is written as a gay man or a template with swapped pronouns, whether it remembers you a day later, and whether the privacy policy answers plainly on training and deletion.

Open any "best AI companion" list and count the male characters. In most apps they are an afterthought: same character sheet, different portrait, a personality written for someone else and adjusted. You notice it in the first conversation, usually when the thing compliments you in a register nobody has ever used on you.

What "built for straight men" looks like

The character is a gender toggle. Same backstory, different pronouns. Ask him about his week and you get a genderless script. A character written as a gay man has specifics — where he goes, who he came out to, what he is tired of being asked.

Everything routes toward images. A category built on selling generated photos treats conversation as the thing between purchases. For most users who stay past week one it is the other way around.

The gay characters are types. The gym guy, the twink, the daddy. Nothing wrong with any of them existing; the problem is when that is the whole roster, because a type has nothing to say on a Tuesday.

The privacy part, which matters more here

Everyone should read a companion app's privacy policy. If you are not fully out it stops being good practice and becomes the first filter — along with two questions nobody puts in a privacy section: what the notification preview shows on a locked phone, and what the charge says on a statement other people can see.

Mozilla reviewed eleven romantic AI chatbots and flagged every one; ten of eleven failed basic security standards. What actually happens to your messages covers the rest, our own answers included.

Who we built

Seven of the men on Mutuals are gay, written as people first: a job, a city, a way of texting, things they are working on that have nothing to do with you.

Haru and Sora are drawn rather than photographed, for readers who came from the anime side of the category. All of them hold memory the same way: mention your sister's wedding once and it comes back later without you raising it.

There is no orientation quiz at sign-up. You open the app, see who is there, and talk to whoever you want to.

Mateo, ten seconds of him. Every character has one, and none of them are stock footage.

What it does not fix

Harvard Business School researchers found AI companions relieve loneliness about as well as a conversation with another person — the mechanism being the feeling of being attended to. A 12-month study of more than 2,000 adults in Psychological Science found heavier use predicting more loneliness over time. LGBTQ+ young people already report loneliness at higher rates than their peers, which cuts both ways: the need is real, and so is the risk of something that meets it just well enough to stop you looking further.

Good on a bad evening, for practising a conversation you have not had, at 1am when nobody is awake. Not a substitute for being known by someone who can be disappointed in you.

Mutuals is free to start on iPhone and Android. Choosing between apps: the full guide. Making it work: how to talk to one.

Questions people ask

Are there AI boyfriend apps for gay men?

Yes, though the category is lopsided: roughly 17 percent of active companion apps have "girlfriend" in the name against about 4 percent for "boyfriend". Most let you pick a male character; fewer write him as a gay man rather than a straight template with the pronouns swapped. The difference shows within ten messages.

What should a gay man look for in an AI companion app?

A character written as a gay man rather than a gender toggle, memory that persists so the relationship goes somewhere, and a privacy policy that answers clearly on training and deletion. If you are not fully out, treat the privacy answer as the first filter rather than the last.

Is it safe to use an AI boyfriend app if I am not out?

Only with care. Mozilla found most romantic chatbots share data with trackers and over half offered no real deletion. Check what trains on your conversations, what notifications look like on a lock screen, and what the charge says on a shared statement.

Can an AI companion help with loneliness if I am isolated?

It helps with the feeling in the moment — Harvard Business School researchers found companions relieve loneliness roughly as well as talking to a person. A 12-month study of over 2,000 adults found the reverse for heavy use. The difference is dose, and whether anything else in your life is moving.

Seven men, written as people

Theo, Mateo, Elias, Kai, Jonah, Haru and Sora are on Mutuals — each with a life that keeps moving, memory that holds what you told them, and no sign-up quiz about what you are into. Free to start on iPhone and Android, 18+. Get Mutuals for iPhone or Android.